But despite that, a small part of me still held out hope that it would go ignored; that these two would fade off into a sunset of beer-and-tailgate soaked forgottenness. Sure, it was a dream that would never come true, but it was a dream I had.
I'm updating this here with a more thorough review, mainly becaues I believe I should elaborate on exactly why I hated this album so much. Consider it a pseudo-review with more of a commentary on the group as a whole and the horrible impact they've had on the country music world.
I swear after listening to about four or five songs of the album, I thought, "shit guys, leave some autotune for Luke Bryan to use on his next album." Seriously, I've never heard so much blatant auto-tune in a single album.
It was a fucking ordeal to even listen to this album fully through. It was that fucking bad. Migraine-inducingly bad.
I honestly couldn't tell one song from the next. It was all auto-tuned rock/rap BS. I really can't differentiate one song from another, aside from two songs mentioned later that had such incredibly offensive and degrading lyrics that they stood out as especially bad, even for these two guys. I'm surprised these two can even tell the songs apart.
I felt like I was betraying country music by even giving this album the time of day, but I did it in the interests of an educated opinion. And I did it with an open mind, because, honestly, "Dirt" had surprised me...not so much that I was ever inclined to put the song on my iPod, but enough so for me to admit that they'd put out something halfway decent. The rest of the album was basically a rehash of everything that made me hate these two in the first place: pure shit, through and through.
The only good thing about listening to this album in full? I was able to give it an honest review, and now I never have to hear it again.
END UPDATED PORTION
Part of me hoped that with the dying trend of bro-country, this duo made up of the two biggest douche-nozzles to ever stumble across each other's company would realize they had nothing left to say that anyone gave two shits about hearing and decide they had two options: say something different or screw-off. I really hoped they'd choose the latter.
Instead, they chose the third option: actually find a way to get worse. That's right, these two assholes have actually found a way to annoy me, and thousands of other real country fans, more, with insufferable lyrics about "sticking a pink umbrella in a girl's drink" and "Victoria's secret ain't a secret no more" (yes, you read both of those correctly).
I don't give a shit how popular these two may ever grow to be: they're talentless hacks who couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. Unfortunately, there will always be people who prefer bullshit over talent and will continue to eat this shit up, and consequently, shit it out into something potentially even worse (i.e. actually use these two fuck-o's as an influence).
And instead of "anything goes," for those of us with any true appreciation for music, it will be "everything's screwed."